dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
