someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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