Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
