He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
