the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
