mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
