I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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