I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
