When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
