Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Randomize
