we have officially lost it.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
