I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
