cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Randomize
