the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
