what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
