I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
