It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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