There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
