i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
