Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
