I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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