How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
