cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
