But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
