Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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