I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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