please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
