i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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