He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I pour the whiskey from now on
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
