i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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