Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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