she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
