the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
