I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
