Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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