my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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