Quick, to the slutcave!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
