ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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