He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
