I have demons in me.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
