I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
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