I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
