Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
