hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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