I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
