Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I can't put those talents on a resume
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
