we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
