Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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