thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
