saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
